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Apr 15

Random Thoughts: 27 Facebook Statuses

Inside my head: the interpretive dance version. Or something like that.
Photo credit: Xavier Donat via photopin cc

Several months ago, I posted this roundup of my recent Facebook statuses after realizing I’d had a little too much Sturm und Drang in my previous blog posts. Today I was getting that same feeling again, so without further ado, here are some of my more recent FB statuses—a handful of random thoughts to enliven your day.

  1. I just saw a link on Pinterest: “Lunches for under 300 calories.” Um. No. NO. Those are called “snacks.”
  2. I think I might have a little H in my ADD.
  3. Pinterest manicures make me feel inadequate.
  4. I suck at naps. I guess maybe I don’t fully understand how they are supposed to work. Like, the part where you actually fall asleep: how does that happen? Is there a secret incantation or ritual?
  5. “But your booty don’t need explaining” might be the dumbest song lyric in recorded history.
  6. Life is short. I’ll clean out the freezer tomorrow.
  7. Goat Simulator is a thing. Huh.
  8. “Let’s think the unthinkable, let’s do the undoable, let’s prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself and see if we may not eff it after all.”  —Douglas Adams
  9. So. Um. SOMEBODY put a load of darks in the washing machine several days ago, ran it, and completely forgot about it. There might not be enough vinegar in the world …
  10. I just had to go to Sam’s Club. For some reason, as I was wheeling the cart down the giant aisles, I had an irrepressible urge to skip and hop. (I’m not kidding; I caught myself several times bouncing like Tigger.) I think I figured it out, though: the giant carts make me feel like I’m about seven. Bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, fun fun fun fun FUN!!
  11. There is so much to do around this place, but I just … I just … ugh. No.
  12. Sometimes you run down to the car and get a package of toilet paper and four bottles of wine from the trunk, and that’s perfectly okay.
  13. My back feels like a Jenga game, from the neck and shoulders to the vast plains of Upper Butt Crack.
  14. Beep. Creep. Deep. Heap. Jeep. Keep. Leap. Peep. Reap. Seep. Steep. Weep. Lotta words rhyme with sleep, I just noticed.
  15. If anyone was thinking about sending me a case of Malbec, a giant box of chocolates, and eleventy hard-working minions, now would be a really great time.
  16. If dishes don’t come clean in the dishwasher, I run them through again—because I believe in second chances.
  17. So. We meet again, 1 AM. I can’t claim to be pleased by this state of affairs.
  18. Guess who just ate a Taco Bell combo burrito in the car without getting any on me? SCORE. #winning
  19. Is there one lab somewhere on earth that produces that ubiquitous, wretched pre-shave/aftershave/shaving cream fragrance? Can somebody please explode it or burn it down or whatever? Seriously, why can’t that stuff smell like shampoo?
  20. I think our upstairs neighbors are keeping a young wildebeest, or perhaps a very active pony.
  21. I just saw a Chevy Aveo with a sticker family on the back windshield totaling seven. I’m guessing they’re clowns.
  22. I’m doing an assessment for a recruiter, and one of the T/F questions is “People around me can often sense my power.” I’m not sure what they mean. Like, telekinesis? The shining? My ability to bench press a gallon of milk?
  23. Hot showers are so awesome that I almost fear that someday we’ll be told they cause cancer.
  24. I just broke my favorite wooden spoon. It’s a cruel world out there, people. Be careful. — feeling sad.
  25. Shorts inside out again. I really gotta stop getting dressed in the dark.
  26. I had an animated dream last night. Yep: I dreamed in cartoon. That has to be a sign of something awesome.
  27. It’s weird how I can be a train wreck in so many big ways, yet the paper seal remnants on the peanut butter jar threaten my equilibrium.

This is how it is in my head probably 73% of the time. The other 27% is where I have to fit adult thoughts and earworms.

1 comment

  1. Meagan

    My fave is #26, animated dream. You are the coolest sister ever!

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